


Into The Darkness, We All Must Fight

by relinquish_one_bullet



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:07:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23058988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/relinquish_one_bullet/pseuds/relinquish_one_bullet
Summary: A short story I've had rattling in my head for a while now.Explicit rating for later chapters.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A short story I've had rattling in my head for a while now.

“There’s absolutely no way Andraste would send her.” Cullen retorted over the table, “She’s a mage for crying out loud. And an elf.” 

Leliana and Cassandra both seemed unperturbed by the outburst and continued to stare down at the book in front of them. Only Josephine stepped back and forth between her feet, uncomfortable. 

“Are you even…”

“I know what I saw.” Cassandra replied bluntly, “And what I heard. The voices coming from the rift…one of them was Divine Justinia. She called for help and Lavellan answered.” 

Cullen had nothing to say to that. In fact, he didn’t really have much to say at all. Outside, the rift spiraled in the sky but it was quiet, for the first time. All due to this mage, the one they were now calling Herald.

“Perhaps you should talk to her.” Leliana suggested with a shrug, staring down at the map in front of them with terrifying focus

“I’ll be setting up for meetings today if any of you need anything.” Josephine saw her exit and took it, slipping through the door

When it was obvious neither Cassandra nor Leliana were going to continue this particular thread of conversation, Cullen too left, letting the door slam shut behind him. He regretted it instantly but continued walking through the main room of the chantry. He needed air, space, something to swing a sword at. 

He marched through Haven, a man on a mission, and everyone ducked out of his way. Not that that was much different from any other day. Varric said he needed to “smile more.”

He made it past the small village and into the larger open area down below. Soldiers were sparing, swinging swords against shields. He watched them a moment, feeling his pulse slow down. There was a slight tug, the ever-present twist of lyrium withdrawal slowly setting his blood aflame, before something else distracted him. 

“Lady Herald, it’s too dangerous.” One of the stable boys was trying, and failing, to convince the Herald to stay away from a particularly angry looking stag, “It was trapped by demons…the best thing for it is just to put it out of its misery.” 

“Nonsense.” She brushed off his concerns, easily lifting herself up and over the side of the fence

Already, Cullen’s feet were moving without his conscious direction. He could hear it now, Leliana and Cassandra complaining he’d stood by and watched the Herald, their only salvation, mauled over by a rogue stag. 

“Herald, please…” He found his voice as he neared but lost it when he saw her up close once more

For her part, she ignored him completely, raising her non-glowing hand out towards the stag. It huffed, stamping its feet dangerously, but she showed no sign of backing down. The stable boys around watched helplessly, switching between pleading glances Cullen’s way and wide stares hers. 

“That’s right.” She whispered, “Ir abelas, ma vhenan.”

The stag stamped its feet again but with less authority. Cullen was transfixed, his tongue suddenly too big for his mouth. She took another step forward and then her hand brushed against the forehead of the giant beast. Cullen’s hands twitched towards his sword, towards protection as it reared back, crying out. 

And then it landed once more in front of her and pressed its face into her hand, very slightly glowing blue. She brushed her hand up and down its face and it mewed, almost silently, its big, black eyes closing and resting. Finally.

“Mala suledin nadas.” She whispered, though whether she was still talking to the stag or herself was unclear

When the threat was neutralized and everyone around them had breathed an audible sigh of relief, she pulled away. She climbed back over the fence, taking a moment to watch the stable boys lead the now docile creature back to the stables, before turning to Cullen. 

“I’m surprised.” She stated flatly, “That you were concerned, I mean.”

“You’re our Herald.” He replied simply, “And the only one with even a small chance of fixing the hole in the sky. Of course I’m…”

He trailed off when she met his gaze, sharp. He looked away, staring down at the snow and she stared over every part of him, taking him in. The giant, fur covered coat, his broad shoulders, his tired eyes. How many days had he been awake now?

“Is it because I’m an elf or a mage?” 

“Herald…”

“My name is Lailani.” She retorted

“Of course.” Whatever anger he’d conjured up was gone now and was replaced by a strange fatigue, a weariness he didn’t know he was carrying 

She seemed to sense it somehow and her face softened ever so slightly, as though she was carrying the same thing. She sighed, brushing a hand through her dark, excessively long hair. He’d only seen it braided and was surprised by how beautiful and shiny it was now that she let it hang, curls and waves drifting along her back.

“I’m sorry.” She said it first, staring down at the ground, “You have no reason to trust me. After everything that’s happened.” 

“No I…” He sighed, “I should be the one apologizing. Everything you’ve done, you’ve done to help, without a care for yourself or the danger you’re putting yourself in. I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you in return, it’s not worthy of me.”

At this, she glanced up and he was greeted with her full face. He felt like he was seeing it for the first time: her bright, green eyes and the splattering of freckles across her cheeks. Over that, the telltale sign of the Dalish: an intricate, black tattoo that spanned most of her forehead. It was delicate, in a way, and beautiful, and he was surprised he thought so. He noticed a scar that ran from her bottom lip to the middle of her chin and another through her right eyebrow. 

She caught him staring, of course she did, but she said nothing as a blush slid across his face. Instead, she turned and faced the breach, the swirling green and grey and white that was the sky. 

“I hope one day you’ll come to trust me.” She said it quietly

“Perhaps…if you’re up to it…you could tell me more about yourself.” He offered after a moment, “I’d like to get to know you.”

And he found himself meaning it. If this was the end of the world, if life was really hanging in the balance, then maybe it wasn’t so bad to place his trust in her, the unknown. At least she was doing something, physically, tangibly. The world was changing because of her and that was more than he could say about anyone else. 

And besides, she glanced up at him and smiled softly, a memorized expression that was now stuck somewhere between his throat and his chest.

She nodded towards some boxes and they sat down together as the sun began to fall and the soldiers practicing began to fade away. They sat there for what felt like hours, going back and forth with questions. 

“Is it rude to ask about your tattoo?” He finally plucked up the courage and she laughed

“It’s called Vallaslin…blood writing. Everyone in my clan gets one, when they come of age and can stand the pain. They are to honor our gods and win their favor.”

“Who do you honor?” 

“Dirthamen. He gave the elves knowledge and we use it to keep the old magic alive.” She paused, “Your mages…you keep them locked away. Was it terrible?” 

“The circles? Each one is different I suppose and my time at the Fereldan Circle was anything but ordinary.” He sighed and she could nearly sense his pain, swirling around him now that they were sitting so close

“Why did you join the Inquisition?” She asked, diverting the subject before he decided to run like he so often did when conversations turned difficult 

“Seeker Pentaghast found me during the uprising in Kirkwall. I believed in her cause, I still do. Someone has to bring about orders in this chaos. And someone has to fix that hole in the sky. I have the ability to help…and so this is where I want to be.”

“Ah. Halam’shivanas.” She nodded solemnly

“Halam…what?”

“It means the sweet sacrifice of duty.” She grinned, “It’s a familiar concept amongst the Dalish.”

He sat soaking in her words for a moment. She took the pause in conversation to slowly braid her hair, pulling it to the side. She glanced up at the sky, surprised to see the sun retreating down below the horizon. 

“I’ve stolen too much of your time.” She stood and he stood with her, shaking his head

“Not at all.” He shifted from foot to foot, “I…thank you. I appreciate you spending the time to talk to me.”

“Anytime, Cullen.” She smiled and started up on the path towards Haven

“Heral-…Lailani.” He corrected himself when she turned, “Stay safe.”


	2. Chapter 2

She felt cold. But not just cold, she could deal with cold, this was something more. It sank into her bones, into her teeth, made her ache and shiver. Like a fever she couldn’t break. 

She couldn’t look at them, not at anyone. All she saw was the future, their dead faces staring back at her. Leliana, Cassandra…they’d tried to stop her, to ask her more questions about this future she’d seen but she shrugged them off and all but ran from the Chantry. Dorian stayed behind to help and she escaped. 

She was breathing too quickly by the time she reached the gate. It felt like there wasn’t enough air around her and she wheezed in another breath, icicles inside her lungs. All dead, or worse. That’s what the future held if she failed. 

Cullen noticed her and looked like he was going to say something when she passed by, choking on nothing. She kept going, although it did sting slightly to ignore him. He’d become a friend in the time she’d been here and always a firm dose of reality when she needed it. 

The trees were the first thing she noticed, the first thing that brought her even a miniscule amount of comfort. She was still choking, still trying to get her heart to stop hammering through her chest, when she found the path. She didn’t care where it led, she simply followed it. 

And that’s how she found the abandoned cabin. The door was open, she snuck inside. Three steps in, she counted, and then she heaved in a choking, sobbing breath and collapsed to her knees. Her arms wrapped around her and she rocked, silently, still trying to breathe. 

“Lailani.” She didn’t hear the door open, didn’t glance back, just kept herself tight and pulled together

Her eyes were closed but she could sense him walking closer, in front of her, kneeling down. Still she didn’t open her eyes, biting the inside of her lip hard to try to divert the pain somewhere other than her chest. 

“Laila.” It was a nickname he’d only recently started using and it split something open inside her

She opened her eyes and the first tears fell, trickling over her lashes. He’d never seen her cry, not once, not through all of the trials she’d faced so far. And now he wasn’t really sure what to do. Her bright eyes stared into him, hard, focused, and then she seemed to be hurt by whatever she saw and closed them again. 

He thought in steps, always, and this was no different. He had to get her off the floor, set her somewhere, get her warm, stop the crying, in that order. He grabbed her arms, pulling her to her feet and then dragged her to the one bedroom in the cabin and sat her down on the side of the bed. 

“You’ll freeze in here.” He was shrugging out of his outer layers already, pulling the fabric and fur tightly around her

It seemed to awaken her slightly from her stupor. Though her eyes were still leaking, she shivered and then wrapped the fabric tighter around her. The fur brushed gently against her face and neck and the cloth was still warm from when it was against him. He was already busy putting wood into the fireplace, looking for tinder. 

She reached out a shaky hand, lighting the wood aflame for him and then sinking back against the bed. His mental checklist finished, Cullen stood unsure in the middle of the room. Lailani looked miserable, exhausted, cold, but the implications of the two of them alone in a cabin…

“You don’t have to stay.” She seemed to read his mind, or perhaps just his uncomfortable expression, “I understand.” 

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and then went to slip out of the clothing he’d offered her to give it back. He shook his head, keeping it firmly in place and then kneeling on the ground in front of her, trying to meet her gaze. 

“What do you need?” He whispered and she finally looked up from her wringing hands

Her eyes scoured over his face, over the concern etched there. A human had never shown her such concern and it felt strange, forbidden, but welcome, all the same. Cullen was safety, reality, firm. The nightmare that was the future replayed over and over again in her head and her eyes brimmed with tears again. He reached forward, bold, and took her hands in his.

And that’s when she simply leaned forward. She slipped from the bed and into his arms without a noise, without a question or permission. For a moment he grasped her arms, holding her in place, a breath away, and then he let her go, let her collapse against him. 

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she sobbed. She was so light, so delicate, so off limits. But there was nothing to be done for it. He’d offered to help and this is what she needed, wanted even, maybe. He kept her there, pressed tightly to his chest, until she finally ran out of tears and sat hiccupping for a few moments, trying to catch her breath. 

He could feel her lungs inflate with every breath, smell her hair so near his face. She was nature personified: she smelled of fresh greenery and clean air and something else, something musky and quiet and slipping from his grasp. He hoped beyond hope she couldn’t feel his heart beating wildly against her own chest. 

When she was finally quiet, finally unmoving, he lifted her back onto the bed and wrapped her back up into the clothes he’d given her minutes ago. Her eyes were still wet, her nose pink, but she seemed calmer now. As she wrapped the clothes closer she felt a strange longing she wasn’t sure where to place. The clothes were a poor substitution for Cullen’s arms. 

“I’d like to stay here a while. Away from everyone else.” She whispered, her voice raw 

“Of course.” He replied, getting up to set another couple of logs on the fire 

“Will…would you mind staying?” Her voice was so quiet he barely heard the question

“I…if you want…of course.” He stumbled over his words and mentally kicked himself

But she looked appeased at least and the color was coming back to her face. She sighed, running her hand through her hair and brushing it out of her face. The room was slowly warming but she still felt cold, like something inside her had frozen and was taking its time to thaw. 

“Is there anything…do you…” He tried to formulate the question in the most respectful way but couldn’t find the words

“That bottle of wine doesn’t seem like a bad idea.” She retorted, glancing at a box on the table nearby with several bottles

Cullen paused, unsure, and then abandoned her on the bed to inspect the bottles. There were several different varieties, none of which were familiar to him, but he picked up the first one and opened it. The glasses next to the box were mostly clean and after pouring wine into the first he hesitated but then poured another glass for himself. 

“Thank you.” She murmured when he brought them over

It stung on the way down but seemed to coat whatever was frozen inside her, wedging it free from its spot against her ribs. She gulped down half the glass and then sighed again, relief. Cullen sipped at the wine in front of him, still unsure, still scared he would say or do something to offend her. 

“Do you need to talk?” He asked after a moment, “I mean if you want to. About what happened. Or about anything.”

He was rambling and couldn’t stop so he took a long drink to stop his mouth from moving. Her eyes crinkled softly into a smile at the display and he blushed, trying hard to cover it. The fur brushed against her face again and she realized, rather late, that it smelled like him. Smelled like something warm she didn’t have a name for. She pulled it closer for a moment, all but burying her face into it, and then turned to face him. 

“I miss my keepers stories.” She mumbled, “When I first started showing signs of magic, I had terrible nightmares in the fade. She would stay awake with me some nights, telling me stories of the past.”

She gulped down the rest of the glass, letting is coat everything inside her. Cullen was listening dutifully but managed to finish his glass as well to join her. They both looked at the empty glasses and then she stood, grabbing the bottle and bringing it back over. She poured herself a glass and then glanced at Cullen who hesitantly held out his own to be filled. 

“She could always make me forget about my fear. I’d listen to her for hours.” She continued, “I miss them. My clan.”

“I…I am no substitution for your keeper but…I could tell you a story, if it would ease whatever’s on your mind.” He mumbled, taking another large gulp of wine

“I’d like that.” She replied, warming considerably 

He seemed to be searching for stories in his mind while she sipped casually at the wine in front of her. Already it seemed to be keeping her warm and she slipped from the clothes Cullen had offered her and relaxed. The nightmare was gnawing at her, pressing at the back of her mind, but the wine and Cullen’s company took up too much space in her head for her to notice. At least for now. 

Cullen began his story slowly, unwinding the pieces one step at a time. It made her relax, more and more, until she was lying on the bed listening to him while he sat on the edge of the bed beside her. She kicked her shoes off and felt more at ease than she had in weeks.

The wine seemed to be relaxing him as well. He crossed a leg over in front of him and leaned back. His cheeks were flushed, ever so slightly, and expressions came more easily now. Of course, they always came more easily around her. 

“I wish you could have seen their faces.” He almost laughed, a smile crossing, “A group of grown men outsmarted by a six year old and her pet pig.” 

She laughed, letting her grin linger, and then turned on the bed to face the ceiling. She propped herself up slightly with pillows, enjoying the warmth from the fire that invaded the room. Her own cheeks were flushed from the wine but she didn’t seem to mind one way or the other. They’d finished the bottle and were well into the second now.

Cullen braced himself with one hand behind him, leaning back to relax. She watched him carefully, eyes tracing over ever part of him, before they came to rest back at his face. He was staring off through the window at nothing in particular, the glare from the snow outside casting a light across his face. 

“I saw you die.” She whispered the words, frowning, “I saw everyone die.” 

His gaze snapped to hers and he frowned as well, sitting up straighter and bringing himself closer to her in the process. Her glass was empty but she was twirling it between her fingers to give her hands something to do. Cullen set his aside, dragging back the urges to brush a stray hair from her face. 

“In that future I was trapped in…it was terrible. Everyone was gone.” She muttered 

“It’s a future we have a chance to stop.” He replied, giving in and brushing the hair from her face

She blushed, he was unsure he’d ever seen her blush, and it made his cheeks alight as well. Still, she didn’t seem angry for the intrusion. Instead, she scooted over slightly and patted the empty spot on the bed she’d vacated. 

“There’s enough room.” She mumbled 

Something twisted in his chest and he frowned. She glanced up at him with her giant eyes, swallowing him whole, before he glanced away. 

“I…it wouldn’t be…I wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong…” He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck, and she smirked slightly

“There’s no one here but us.” She replied, “And I don’t think I’m getting the wrong idea.” 

“You obviously have less faith in Leliana’s spies than I do.” He teased but swung his legs up onto the bed nonetheless

It felt too intimate, too close. Even just lying there on their backs, a full foot between them, something felt off, strange. And she was right, she wasn’t getting the wrong idea but maybe he was. He’d closed off that part of him, that desire, and filled it with duty and constitution instead. His job took on every role he’d needed in life and he worked to exhaustion every night. No time for his mind to concoct stories or desires. 

He turned on his side, propping himself up with one elbow to silence his thoughts, and to get a good look at her. Her eyes were closed now, a peaceful smile resting on her lips. She breathed slowly, purposefully. As his eyes trailed along her collarbone, her neck, up to her ear, he realized he was drunk. 

She slowly opened her eyes and glanced over at him again. She seemed to be doing the same thing, following his throat to his jaw to his temple and then back down again. The gaze felt strangely intrusive and something tingled at the back of his neck. 

“I appreciate you coming after me.” She whispered, “And being here.” 

“Anytime.” He managed to choke out the words

Outside, it was beginning to get dark. Surely someone would come searching for them, someone would miss one of them. But then again, almost no one remembered this cabin and no one had really noticed them leave. At least, that’s what Cullen told himself as he turned back over and laid on his back. 

“Cullen?” Her voice was barely a whisper

“Yeah?” He closed his eyes and finally rested, his body sinking into the bed below 

“Tell me it’s all going to be all right.” She breathed the words and her breath hit his neck sending shivers down his spine

She was closer now, he could feel her body heat against his side and her breath on his uncovered skin. He kept his eyes closed, afraid that if he opened them she’d stop. 

“It’s going to be all right.” It was a lie but one he hoped he’d get away with 

She gently put her head on his shoulder and he shifted so his arm wrapped snuggly around her shoulders. She draped an arm across his chest and they stayed there for a while in silence, in comfort. 

That’s the memory Cullen chose to focus on as they trudged through the snow, his boots wet and cold. That was the woman he refused to see dead, even after Haven was a smoldering, smoky mess behind them. He led from the front but continued to glance back, they all did, not expecting but hoping for a miracle. Another miracle. 

And so when they finally camped and the grief of what had happened laid down heavy on all of them, Cullen tucked the memory away. The comfort it had brought him for weeks was spent and now it was a cruel reminder that the one time he let his guard down, the one time he let himself be opened and prodded and examined, it was for nothing. She was gone.

And when Cole found him later, in the dead of the night, his eyes wide and strange and altogether unnatural, Cullen’s first thought was to cast him away. To cast everyone away and stay in the dark, in the known discomfort. There was a hidden bottle of lyrium, kept in a box. What a strange thing to grab when the world is ending.

But Cole opened his mouth before he could get the words out and what he said changed everything. 

“I can feel her.” He stated, “She’s hurting.”


End file.
